I was a real estate attorney who changed careers to become a social worker. I also made very little money, but was very happy I made the change. One of the things I heard most while working in a nursing home from the residents was that they wished they had spent more money, instead of saving it for their old age, and when they reached the age they considered old age, they weren't well enough to spend their money.
I love that you made that change - and experienced greater happiness as a result! There's actually really interesting data on attorneys in private practice versus public service ... may be a future newsletter topic (e.g., about the value of finding meaning)!
Perhaps tangentially, I've been reading "Four Thousand Weeks", a "time management" book unlike any other that I have encountered. Its essential message is that no matter how efficient we are, we can never do all the good and wonderful things we wish to or ought to do. We have to make choices. Making those choices explicitly - a kind of saying "no" to lots of good things in addition to lots and lots of less worthy things - is better than living with the delusion that we can have it *all* (which is what most time management books imply). Social norms are valuable to the extent that they help us live together peaceably, etc., but I suspect that one of the biggest ways we fail to align our use of time with our values is by doing things only because we think other people expect us to. We have to choose, so choose wisely. That may mean becoming a basketball coach, or it may mean remaining a lawyer (but without regret) - I think that depends on the person. An hypothesis: if we make a choice very explicitly, are we less likely to regret it than if we make "choice" more by default?
I love this comment - because it's exactly in line with the research on regret. What CAN you do in the time you have - and then thinking through deliberately what you want to do. Psychology often talks about the difference between "ought to do" and "want to do" - and how we spend lots of time doing what feels like what we "ought to do" ... and that in turn leads to regret. I'm going to get that book - it sounds like exactly what I need as I think through my approaching retirement plans ... thank you!
I am so happy that your husband has the courage (and support from you) to explore his lifelong dream! I'm particularly alert to the importance of potential regrets in my personal life because my granny always said "broken bones will heal, but regrets live in the heart forever"--the older I get the smarter she becomes! I also love how you give empirical evidence in your posts. Do you think the fact that regrets linger in our minds (and hearts) is due in part to the Ziegarnik effect?
I have never heard that expression - and it's perfect! And what an interesting question about the causes of the lingering ... which does make sense (e.g., we didn't get to finish something so we can't move on). Another good topic for future research!
Congratulations to your husband, Catherine! How wonderful that he landed such a cool job as a basketball coach for a women's team. I heard that the next season of Ted Lasso may involve coaching a women's basketball team. Regarding regret, I read Daniel Pink's interesting book called Power of Regret and learned that regret (or of the desire not to have regret) can be a good thing because it means we are reflective and are willing to take the effort to make changes in the future, with lessons from the past. Also interesting is after the symbols of hearts and roses, a fairly popular tattoo is the words "No Regrets."
Wonderful news about Ted Lasso's next season - thank you! And that's a great example about the benefits of regret from Dan Pink's book (which we too often overlooked). I did NOT know about "no regrets" being such a popular tattoo, although that reminds me that one of my cousins has continued to threaten getting a tattoo that says "no regerts" (misspelling intentional)!
Can’t seem to bring a significant fear or regret to mind however congratulations are in order for your husband as he pursued his dream and achieved it and to you for supporting him to attain his goal, that’s what love and commitment should be ❤️
I was a real estate attorney who changed careers to become a social worker. I also made very little money, but was very happy I made the change. One of the things I heard most while working in a nursing home from the residents was that they wished they had spent more money, instead of saving it for their old age, and when they reached the age they considered old age, they weren't well enough to spend their money.
I love that you made that change - and experienced greater happiness as a result! There's actually really interesting data on attorneys in private practice versus public service ... may be a future newsletter topic (e.g., about the value of finding meaning)!
Je ne regrette rien
This phrase makes me think of one of my favorite lines from Le Petit Prince - On ne voit qu'avec le coeur!
Perhaps tangentially, I've been reading "Four Thousand Weeks", a "time management" book unlike any other that I have encountered. Its essential message is that no matter how efficient we are, we can never do all the good and wonderful things we wish to or ought to do. We have to make choices. Making those choices explicitly - a kind of saying "no" to lots of good things in addition to lots and lots of less worthy things - is better than living with the delusion that we can have it *all* (which is what most time management books imply). Social norms are valuable to the extent that they help us live together peaceably, etc., but I suspect that one of the biggest ways we fail to align our use of time with our values is by doing things only because we think other people expect us to. We have to choose, so choose wisely. That may mean becoming a basketball coach, or it may mean remaining a lawyer (but without regret) - I think that depends on the person. An hypothesis: if we make a choice very explicitly, are we less likely to regret it than if we make "choice" more by default?
I love this comment - because it's exactly in line with the research on regret. What CAN you do in the time you have - and then thinking through deliberately what you want to do. Psychology often talks about the difference between "ought to do" and "want to do" - and how we spend lots of time doing what feels like what we "ought to do" ... and that in turn leads to regret. I'm going to get that book - it sounds like exactly what I need as I think through my approaching retirement plans ... thank you!
I am so happy that your husband has the courage (and support from you) to explore his lifelong dream! I'm particularly alert to the importance of potential regrets in my personal life because my granny always said "broken bones will heal, but regrets live in the heart forever"--the older I get the smarter she becomes! I also love how you give empirical evidence in your posts. Do you think the fact that regrets linger in our minds (and hearts) is due in part to the Ziegarnik effect?
I have never heard that expression - and it's perfect! And what an interesting question about the causes of the lingering ... which does make sense (e.g., we didn't get to finish something so we can't move on). Another good topic for future research!
Congratulations to your husband, Catherine! How wonderful that he landed such a cool job as a basketball coach for a women's team. I heard that the next season of Ted Lasso may involve coaching a women's basketball team. Regarding regret, I read Daniel Pink's interesting book called Power of Regret and learned that regret (or of the desire not to have regret) can be a good thing because it means we are reflective and are willing to take the effort to make changes in the future, with lessons from the past. Also interesting is after the symbols of hearts and roses, a fairly popular tattoo is the words "No Regrets."
Wonderful news about Ted Lasso's next season - thank you! And that's a great example about the benefits of regret from Dan Pink's book (which we too often overlooked). I did NOT know about "no regrets" being such a popular tattoo, although that reminds me that one of my cousins has continued to threaten getting a tattoo that says "no regerts" (misspelling intentional)!
Can’t seem to bring a significant fear or regret to mind however congratulations are in order for your husband as he pursued his dream and achieved it and to you for supporting him to attain his goal, that’s what love and commitment should be ❤️
Thanks so much for the kind words, Robin! He's thrilled - and I'm so glad he's able to realize this goal!!!