My mother was deeply involved in local and state: she was a «liberal » Republican and horrified that conservatives were taking over control of her party. However, she always insisted that I vote in every election and that I will do in the primary of those running for Governor on June 10th. I will be voting for a Democrat in honor of my mother: I think she will understand.
I also do a donation to honor my mother and mother in law’s memory. I plan a special day to enjoy so that I am engaged in an activity that is reminiscent of spending the day together. I push sad thoughts aside and focus on how fortunate I am to have had such a loving and supportive mother.
What great strategies - donating, engaging in an activity that reminds you of happy times, and shifting thoughts to focus on the good! Thank you for sharing - and I will be thinking about you tomorrow!
As the mom of three young adults, my heart breaks for you. That's such a terribly hard loss - and I hope you are getting good support from family and friends this Sunday. You are in my thoughts - please take care of yourself in whatever way feels best.
He is never "lost," as you hold his memory dear to you. His energy is everywhere, and you will carry that with you, sharing with others as you go. I have no answers, but I will be thinking of you this Sunday and beyond, Kandace.
This is the first Mother's Day without Mom. She passed away July 2024. She had dementia for the last three years of her life, so she hadn't been "Mom" for awhile. This Mother's Day is the first with her physically gone, not just mentally gone.
I agree with you about the importance of connection. I was at work that day last year when my sister called to say Mom had just passed. My coworkers were understanding and said they were sorry. As time has gone by however, no one followed-up to ask how I'm feeling about it. I'll occasionally refer to my Mom if the conversation is about a topic relevant to mentioning her. Those would be appropriate times for my coworkers to ask or say something, but they don't. They're in their early 20s and none have kids. I imagine they're busy and focused on their own lives. It feels a bit lonely sometimes.
Thankfully, I have my sisters who I can talk with. Connections mean a lot!
First, I'm thinking of you this Sunday - the first year is always especially hard (even if you'd lost her gradually over time).
Second, your experience is very common - people reach out initially but then fade away. It does feel lonely.
And, finally, I'm so glad you do have your sisters - and that's a perfect example of the power of connections! I rely on my brother in precisely the same way.
Judy, I still remember the first Mother’s Day after my mom’s passing. Fortunately for me I found a great volunteer opportunity that reminded me of one of our favorite things to do together which was coloring. I spent that day engaged in helping make new crayons from recycled ones that were then shipped to pediatric patients to use during their hospital stays. It felt good to feel that connection and honor her. I’m sorry your coworkers are not more supportive but know there are many of us who understand your loss. ❤️
Hi Judy! I lived with both my grandmothers for various reasons at various times. One has already died from/having dementia, and my other is knocking on the door. It's a miserable experience all around.
While I know they are not my "mom", it hits deep, and their not knowing or remembering you is heartbreaking. I can say I honestly feel for you I wish you the best day you can have.
Thank you, James! Mom's don't have to be only biological. I'm glad you were (and are) blessed to have a "Mom" with your grands. Dementia is awful--for everyone it touches. I plan to have a good Mothers Day, and so I will :) I hope yours is too.
This was my first Mother’s Day without my mom. She passed away from ALS in October. I honored her by attending an anticipatory Mother’s Day poetry and grief zoom a few days ago. It was heartbreaking, but also very connecting to hear such relatable grief poetry and have time to write my own. I spent Mother’s Day at a ceramic workshop. I know my mom would be proud of me for distracting myself with a creative outlet. I also went for a long walk with my brother in the evening.
I was thinking about you on Sunday - and I'm so glad that you attended the Zoom event, which sounds like a great way to connect with other people who are grieving. I know your mom was so proud of you - and would love that you took care of yourself, fostered various creative outlets, and spent time with your brother.
I just wanted to say that I loved all of these stories about Mother's Day and folks sharing personal stories. Lots of courageous and loving folks on this post.
Sometimes I make a gift in memory of my mom to a charity she liked or maybe flowers to her church or old nursing home.
I love this idea - what a wonderful way of spreading joy and honoring your mom.
That is 10000000000% Magical idea!
My mother was deeply involved in local and state: she was a «liberal » Republican and horrified that conservatives were taking over control of her party. However, she always insisted that I vote in every election and that I will do in the primary of those running for Governor on June 10th. I will be voting for a Democrat in honor of my mother: I think she will understand.
What a perfect example of honoring your mother - by voting! And I agree - she will understand!
Very Cool!
I also do a donation to honor my mother and mother in law’s memory. I plan a special day to enjoy so that I am engaged in an activity that is reminiscent of spending the day together. I push sad thoughts aside and focus on how fortunate I am to have had such a loving and supportive mother.
Awesome!
What great strategies - donating, engaging in an activity that reminds you of happy times, and shifting thoughts to focus on the good! Thank you for sharing - and I will be thinking about you tomorrow!
Some of us struggle because we have lost a child. It’s been 20.5 months since we lost our oldest at 27 and I struggle with Mother’s Day.
As the mom of three young adults, my heart breaks for you. That's such a terribly hard loss - and I hope you are getting good support from family and friends this Sunday. You are in my thoughts - please take care of yourself in whatever way feels best.
He is never "lost," as you hold his memory dear to you. His energy is everywhere, and you will carry that with you, sharing with others as you go. I have no answers, but I will be thinking of you this Sunday and beyond, Kandace.
....life just is not fair.
Deepest sympathies on your loss.
This is the first Mother's Day without Mom. She passed away July 2024. She had dementia for the last three years of her life, so she hadn't been "Mom" for awhile. This Mother's Day is the first with her physically gone, not just mentally gone.
I agree with you about the importance of connection. I was at work that day last year when my sister called to say Mom had just passed. My coworkers were understanding and said they were sorry. As time has gone by however, no one followed-up to ask how I'm feeling about it. I'll occasionally refer to my Mom if the conversation is about a topic relevant to mentioning her. Those would be appropriate times for my coworkers to ask or say something, but they don't. They're in their early 20s and none have kids. I imagine they're busy and focused on their own lives. It feels a bit lonely sometimes.
Thankfully, I have my sisters who I can talk with. Connections mean a lot!
First, I'm thinking of you this Sunday - the first year is always especially hard (even if you'd lost her gradually over time).
Second, your experience is very common - people reach out initially but then fade away. It does feel lonely.
And, finally, I'm so glad you do have your sisters - and that's a perfect example of the power of connections! I rely on my brother in precisely the same way.
Judy, I still remember the first Mother’s Day after my mom’s passing. Fortunately for me I found a great volunteer opportunity that reminded me of one of our favorite things to do together which was coloring. I spent that day engaged in helping make new crayons from recycled ones that were then shipped to pediatric patients to use during their hospital stays. It felt good to feel that connection and honor her. I’m sorry your coworkers are not more supportive but know there are many of us who understand your loss. ❤️
WOW! That sounds like a great project!
Hi Judy! I lived with both my grandmothers for various reasons at various times. One has already died from/having dementia, and my other is knocking on the door. It's a miserable experience all around.
While I know they are not my "mom", it hits deep, and their not knowing or remembering you is heartbreaking. I can say I honestly feel for you I wish you the best day you can have.
Thank you, James! Mom's don't have to be only biological. I'm glad you were (and are) blessed to have a "Mom" with your grands. Dementia is awful--for everyone it touches. I plan to have a good Mothers Day, and so I will :) I hope yours is too.
💜 Thank you, Judy!
Wonderful, practical heartfelt advice.
Thank you
I hope it's helpful!
This was my first Mother’s Day without my mom. She passed away from ALS in October. I honored her by attending an anticipatory Mother’s Day poetry and grief zoom a few days ago. It was heartbreaking, but also very connecting to hear such relatable grief poetry and have time to write my own. I spent Mother’s Day at a ceramic workshop. I know my mom would be proud of me for distracting myself with a creative outlet. I also went for a long walk with my brother in the evening.
I was thinking about you on Sunday - and I'm so glad that you attended the Zoom event, which sounds like a great way to connect with other people who are grieving. I know your mom was so proud of you - and would love that you took care of yourself, fostered various creative outlets, and spent time with your brother.
I just wanted to say that I loved all of these stories about Mother's Day and folks sharing personal stories. Lots of courageous and loving folks on this post.